<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>a kaleidoscope of you in every color by Astral_Bees</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26908006">a kaleidoscope of you in every color</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astral_Bees/pseuds/Astral_Bees'>Astral_Bees</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>As well, Kinda soulmate AU??, M/M, Oh, Some angst, also canon homophobia mentions in relation to alex's parents, an example of bro but like romantically, and maybe a little bit of internalized homophobia?, and really background julynn, background lukereggie, but focused on walex, but w a happy ending, general tw for death and food, ghost bfs, i have a lot of emotions about them, lukealex exes, some cursing if you're not cool w that, this is basically just the show, too many - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:54:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26908006</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astral_Bees/pseuds/Astral_Bees</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>willie and alex meet in 1995, but then they both die. in 2020, they meet for a second time</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>172</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. neon, 1995</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>here's chapter one !! hope u like it :) &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Orpheum’s light up sign was somehow even more imposing than the building itself. If that was possible.</p>
<p>Alex’s eyes reflected the glow of the neon and a nervous smile made its way across his features. This was the moment. What they had been waiting for. It was good. But still, he couldn’t help the pit in his stomach. The emptiness left behind by the knowledge that his parents wouldn’t be there. He should have been used to it. Used to their absence in his life at large, but it always seemed to hit harder before a show. Especially this one.</p>
<p>He shook his head and turned to head back inside. They still needed to practice, and he was not going to allow for any possibility of them bombing on stage. Moving to the door, Alex felt a sharp pain run up his side and he realized he was splayed against the concrete.</p>
<p>A soft groan escaped him as he started to push himself up. Someone’s skateboard sat on the ground next to him and without processing his movements, Alex set his hand on it to support his weight. Which he knew was a mistake the second he shifted. The skateboard slid under his hand and he thudded back onto the sidewalk.</p>
<p>Before he could try to get up again, a hand was being offered to him. Alex gripped it without hesitation and, with the help of whoever had bumped into him, managed to get back on his feet.</p>
<p>“Thank…” The rest of his words died in his throat as he looked at the guy in front of him. His heart kicked up in his chest and Alex tried to focus on something else. Anything else.</p>
<p>It wasn’t working.</p>
<p>He couldn’t stop staring at the helmet covering the guy’s hair. His warm smile. The place where their hands were still interconnected.</p>
<p>Clearing his throat, Alex pulled his hand back to himself and grabbed the skateboard off the ground. He offered it to the guy with a timid smile.</p>
<p>“I assume this is yours?”</p>
<p>A gentle laugh bubbled out of the guy and he nodded. His eyes crinkled as he grinned back at Alex.</p>
<p>“Yeah, thanks man. Sorry ‘bout basically running you over.”</p>
<p>“It’s my pleasure.” Alex shook his head again. “I mean, it’s all good. No problem, really.”</p>
<p>The guy laughed again, and Alex knew if he had the time, he would listen to it for the rest of the day. But he didn’t have time. He had rehearsal. It wasn’t Alex to back away first though, because suddenly the guy was setting his skateboard on the sidewalk.</p>
<p>“Well, it was nice running into you,” his smile coursed through Alex’s veins.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alex’s own voice had grown soft compared to the solid nature of the skateboarder’s.</p>
<p>He waved and placed a foot on his skateboard. Sending one last glance at Alex, he took off on the runway of concrete. Leaving Alex all alone in the cold, cold absence of the guy’s grin.</p>
<p>Not a minute later, one of the doors to the Orpheum opened and Luke poked his head out.</p>
<p>“Alex, you coming or what?” His question settled softly against Alex’s skin as he thought about his random encounter.</p>
<p>Alex forced his gaze away from the path the skateboarder had taken, and he looked over at Luke. He risked one more glance into the distance and then hurried over to Luke and the open door. They had a gig to get ready for. And no amount of pretty guys with skateboards could keep him from that.</p>
<p>Well, maybe a pretty guy with a skateboard couldn’t stop Alex from performing at the Orpheum, but a hot dog could.</p>
<p>Sitting with Luke and Reggie on the alley couch, Alex could tell something was wrong. He wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong with the hot dog, but he knew it was the hot dog that was the root of the problem. And then, with no warning at all, he felt sick. Sick enough that he was convinced he wasn’t going to be able to make it through the concert.</p>
<p>But the feeling passed after a short bit and everything seemed to shift into darkness.</p>
<p>What Alex wasn’t aware of was that he was dead. And that as the ambulance arrived, someone else was dying not far away. Someone riding a skateboard that hadn’t seen a car coming toward him.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Nothing felt right. It wasn’t as though Alex had ever assumed death would make sense, but it was more confusing than he could have imagined. First, they all found out that twenty-five years had passed in the span of what felt like a day. And second, they could still play their instruments for the masses. It was all so positively bewildering. What was he supposed to do? What did ghosts do?</p>
<p>The only positive that he could see, was that he wasn’t alone. Luke and Reggie were going through the afterlife with him. Still, he needed help.</p>
<p>He let his gaze drift back to the closed doors of the studio as Luke spoke. Julie clearly knew her way around a piano. It was also clear that it wasn’t a lack of knowledge that had kept her from playing. Alex was fairly certain he wasn’t the only one that needed help.</p>
<p>But Luke had had a reason to stop Alex from trying to comfort her. Not a reason that Alex himself necessarily agreed with, but a reason, nonetheless. Still, he wanted to be there for her. Ghost or not, everyone could use a little comforting now and then.</p>
<p>But maybe he was wrong. Maybe she didn’t like to acknowledge her emotions and Luke had made the right call. They were strangers in Julie’s life, after all. Which made it abundantly clear again how they didn’t have lives anymore. Not in the literal sense, anyway. Most likely he wouldn’t have been able to give her a hug no matter how hard he tried. He was convinced words could have helped though.</p>
<p>Another girl hurried passed them as they spoke, and it wasn’t long after that Julie was heading off for school. Whatever he had wanted to say to Julie, he had missed his chance.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>They left Julie’s dad behind to get a glimpse at Reggie’s parents. Staring across the street at the bike shack that had taken the place of Reggie’s old house, Alex was hit all over again by the time that had passed. Their lives that no longer existed.</p>
<p>Luke’s flippancy nagged away at Alex’s brain. The world had gotten turned around and flipped upside down and it seemed like it was almost nothing to him.</p>
<p>“Dude, how are you so casual about all of this?” The words came out without so much as a second thought. “I mean, don’t you wanna figure out what happened?”</p>
<p>“Let’s be real for a second,” Luke started up in full force. “It’s not like any of us were that close to our families. My folks always regretted buying me that guitar.”</p>
<p>His focus shifted from Alex to Reggie in an instant as he continued. “Reggie, your parents were literally a fight away from a divorce.” And again, back to Alex. “Your parents were never cool again after you told them you were gay.”</p>
<p>It was all so true that it sent a sharp pinprick through Alex. Luke was right, they hadn’t had families that were there for them. Not outside of each other.</p>
<p>The casual regard Luke had for their afterlife felt more like a life raft than anything else. They did still have one another. They did still have music. And it would have to be ok, because none of them had a choice in what had happened to them. They had already died. There was no going back.</p>
<p>Alex just wanted to understand a little better.</p>
<p>And the more he discovered, the less he knew. They were visible to Julie. Their music could be heard by anybody. Combine the two rules and suddenly there was a brand-new rule to get used to. Play with Julie and finally become visible. The details cluttered his head.</p>
<p>He would be lying if he said he was upset though. It was a little bit of familiarity in the storm of their existences. It was just also a lot.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>So much was changing and flying at him full force. Alex needed a break from all of it, and he needed to clear his thoughts out. And the only way for him to do that was by heading out on his own. Luke and Reggie always had his back, but they didn’t understand how everything about their deaths was affecting him. Alone time was his one option if he was hoping to get back on track anytime soon.</p>
<p>Of course, running into a couple of ‘ghostbusters’ and getting run over weren’t the most calming things that could happen. But it wasn’t like Alex could control the course of events befalling him.</p>
<p>Something sparked through Alex. Something warm. And bright. Sweeping away some of his worries for just a moment. And then he was on the ground.</p>
<p>Face pressed against the pavement, something kicked up dust in Alex’s brain. He had been there before. The feeling fluttered through his bones as he pushed himself back up and was gone by the time he was standing again. The perpetrator of the whole ordeal stood right in front of him, inspecting his skateboard with a slight frown.</p>
<p>“Aw, man. You dinged my board.”</p>
<p>A quick flash on annoyance dug into Alex’s skin as he watched the skateboarder.</p>
<p>“I dinged your board? Dude, you ran me over! You’re lucky I didn’t-” the words died in his throat and he looked over the guy that had hit him once more.</p>
<p>How was he there? The thought lasted for a second before he tried to speak, tried to figure out what he wanted to know.</p>
<p>“Have I-” Alex cut himself off again. “How can you see me?”</p>
<p>The words weren’t his true ones. Not the question that was bouncing around inside him. What he had wanted to ask, started to ask, was ‘have I seen you before?’ The moment was suddenly old. Familiar, even. Like an echo. Like reliving a memory that had long passed. But somehow it was altered. Cracked. Fresh.</p>
<p>Still, there was that little nagging feeling of déjà vu humming just below the surface of his skin.</p>
<p>“Wait, you’re a ghost, right?” The realization hit him all at once and Alex figured that must have been the source of his confusion. One more thing to add to the list of what he didn’t understand about being dead.</p>
<p>“Uh, yeah, ever since I learned the hard way that skating in traffic was bad.”</p>
<p>Alex wasn’t listening to what the guy was saying anymore, because his whole body seemed to malfunction the moment his helmet came off. Any annoyance that had been lingering, dropped in an instant. He was fully caught off guard by the sight in front of him. There was that warmth again. Like the sun was shining down only on him, saving all of its heat for his spirit.</p>
<p>His hair was so long, falling around his shoulders in slight tangles. And his eyes were somehow dark, and bright, and deep all at once. Alex wasn’t quite sure if his brain still functioned anymore.</p>
<p>“Hey, sorry I, uh, smashed into you,” the guy started speaking again and Alex tried to focus on what he was saying. “I thought you were a lifer, and I’d just pass right through.”</p>
<p>But even though Alex had managed to tune back in, he didn’t have a clue what the guy was talking about. He was so obviously new and nothing made sense and if he’d had a heartbeat, it wouldn’t have been able to slow down. Alex could feel the phantom thumping of where his heart would be. Reacting and reacting and reacting. Another echo of his past. But his past didn’t seem all that important when he looked at the skateboarder. It seemed like maybe his present wasn’t so bad.</p>
<p>Blinking back into the conversation, Alex managed to force out a simple question. “A lifer?”</p>
<p>Alex watched as his expression shifted to subtle surprise and he felt self-conscious about what he had asked. Was there a ghost handbook out there somewhere that everyone except him had gotten? Did every ghost just automatically know what a ‘lifer’ was?</p>
<p>As he worried about his lack of ghostly experience, the guy’s expression shifted once more to something resembling amusement. The gentle smile that took over his features sent another shockwave of phantom heartbeats through Alex.</p>
<p>“That’s what we call people who are living.”</p>
<p>A simple answer for a simple question.</p>
<p>The explanation made Alex feel simultaneously relieved and more self-conscious. He should have been able to guess the meaning. A lifer. A living person. What he had once been. What the kind skateboarder standing before him had once been.</p>
<p>“You’re new to this whole ghost thing, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Caught, red-handed.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” an ache of embarrassment. “Is it that obvious?”</p>
<p>“Totally,” the skateboarder replied, an easy chuckle joining the single word. It immediately lifted some of the weight off of Alex’s shoulders. A soft laugh rippled through him, easing him further into the moment at hand. The guy switched his skateboard from one hand to the other and held his newly freed hand out to Alex. “Hey, I’m… I’m Willie.”</p>
<p>Alex shook it and turned the name over in his head.</p>
<p>“Oh, um, Alex.”</p>
<p>Their hands slid apart and the urge to hold on was stronger than he had expected it would be. Alex let his arm fall back to his side, but he felt where they had touched. If he reached out and took Willie’s hand again, would it be weird? Of course, it would, who was he kidding? They had just met for the first time. And holding hands with someone that was practically a stranger… No one did that. It didn’t mean he didn’t want to though. In fact, he was so caught up in Willie’s existence, that he was positively certain he would have drawn their handshake out for much longer if he’d gotten the chance.</p>
<p>Alex laughed along with Willie’s joke. He wasn’t there to sightsee, but part of him thought it would be easier to lie. Easier to say he was enjoying all of the new aspects of his afterlife. But lying to Willie seemed wholly unappealing.</p>
<p>“Uh, I was actually having a minor afterlife crisis, so, you know, just clearing my head until you tried to crack it open.” He covered it with a joke and in return, received another brilliant laugh and glowing smile.</p>
<p>Willie’s reply spilled out with his laughter and it was still warm, but Alex felt cold again. Almost as if the sunlight that had been soaking into him had gotten covered up by clouds. Instead of the bright warmth, his worries had found their perch on his shoulders. He was weighted down, and it clearly showed on his face because Willie’s expression sobered up as well. Willie looked down and away for a moment and Alex felt his phantom heart drop down, down, down.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Willie started, looking back at Alex. “So, minor afterlife crisis?”</p>
<p>Alex nodded slightly and laid it all out. His worries, his confusion… the hot dogs. It was easy conversation. Willie made it all seem easier somehow, less frightening. He even agreed to answering more of Alex’s questions. His first chance at hopefully making some more sense out of his new reality.</p>
<p>Willie started off down the sidewalk on his skateboard again and Alex paused for just a moment, struck once more by that bewildering déjà vu. He could have sworn he had watched Willie skate off that same exact way before. But he hadn’t. He couldn’t have. Convincing himself it was the recent events messing with his brain, Alex took off after him.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>They sat together for a while, Willie providing Alex with as many answers as he could. But even he wasn’t sure what to make of Julie and what happened when they all played together. It could have been connected to their unfinished business, or it could have been a fluke. Another weird, unclear aspect of their deaths that had no real answer. Alex, Luke, and Reggie might have been anomalies. Just the thought of it made his skin itch like a too tight sweater.</p>
<p>The main upside was that he got to spend more time with Willie, followed closely by at least understanding a little more about the afterlife. All too soon, Willie was leaving, and Alex was alone with the dog-man. A giant grin cluttered his face as he watched him skate away. And his fingers still ached to brush against Willie’s again. He had time. He could wait.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. cherry blossom fever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every time he thought about Willie, something blossomed in his chest. Sometimes it got to the point where it was hard to focus on what Luke and Reggie were saying. Alex knew it would eventually settle into something soft and fuzzy, more like a blanket than a tree, it just hadn’t yet. Besides, Luke and Reggie had both started acting a little differently from time to time. Nothing major, but enough to pique Alex’s interest. Especially since they weren’t talking to him about it. They didn’t even seem to be talking to each other about whatever it was.</p>
<p>Julie was the only one of them that was staying completely on track. After her Flynn problem had been resolved, everything had maybe even gotten better for her. Plus, they were officially a band. It was the one thing Alex could always focus on through his Willie-induced haze. The band. The music.</p>
<p>After practice, Alex tried to leave through the front door out of old habits. Of course, when he went to grab the handle, his hand went straight through it instead. A stifled laugh came from behind and he turned his head to catch a glimpse of Luke, sitting on the couch. He thought everyone had left. But obviously, he had been wrong about that.</p>
<p>“Dude, you just gotta remember we don’t have to bother with doors anymore,” Luke was so casual, so matter of fact. Was it easier for him? Being a ghost?</p>
<p>Alex nodded and looked back at the doors. “Yeah, it’s… I don’t know. Doesn’t it still confuse you sometimes?”</p>
<p>Luke replied with a one shouldered shrug, crossing something out with the pencil in his hand. Sighing gently, Alex walked over to the couch and perched on the arm of it. He knew he was supposed to meet Willie, but there was still some time before he really had to leave. And Luke was right, he didn’t have to worry about doors. Or walking, for that matter.</p>
<p>He peered over Luke’s shoulder at the page, trying to read the lyrics he was scribbling down. Luke shifted away from his gaze, obscuring the words and Alex frowned. He couldn’t remember a single time Luke had hidden lyrics from him. They always shared their music. Always. But he didn’t push him on it. Alex knew that wouldn’t get him anywhere, except for maybe an argument. He fidgeted with his cap and when he couldn’t do anything more with that, he started to twist his rings on his fingers.</p>
<p>“Do you need to ask me something?” Luke’s voice startled him out of his slight daze.</p>
<p>“Uh,” Alex cleared his throat and tried again, batting the fog away from his mind. “Are you doing alright? Like with the ghost stuff? And with…”</p>
<p>A pause. Finally, Luke looked up at him. “And with what?”</p>
<p>Alex didn’t bother pointing out that Luke hadn’t answered his fully formed questions. He didn’t want to finish his thought, wasn’t sure what the answer would be. Honestly, he wasn’t sure it was his place to ask, either.</p>
<p>“Nah, man, it doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p>At that, Luke’s eyes narrowed, and he set the pencil on top of the paper. Turning his full attention to Alex, he gestured at his hands. “It obviously does. You’re all nervous and I wanna know why. Please?”</p>
<p>A slight laugh escaped Alex even though he hadn’t wanted it to. It was part nerves and part genuine laughter at just how ridiculous his question sounded in his head. Whatever the answer was, it would be fine. Because it was them and they were always fine.</p>
<p>“Alright, are you and Reggie ok? You’ve seemed a little off, I guess.”</p>
<p>Avoiding Alex’s eyes, Luke glanced down at the lyrics. Silence passed between them and something squirmed in Alex’s stomach. Was he wrong? Were they fine?</p>
<p>“Yeah, man, we’re good!” Luke grinned over at him, and for once, Alex couldn’t quite tell if it was a lie.</p>
<p>There was something forced in the reply, but it still felt like it was partially true. Maybe Reggie would have been the better of the two to ask about it. He was worse at keeping secrets than the other two, at least when it was something a little less serious. And whatever was happening had to be less serious. Right?</p>
<p>Alex smiled back and resolved to ask Reggie about it next time he was alone with him. He patted Luke on the back and left to go meet Willie. </p>
<p>It was only as he exited the studio that he realized maybe it wasn’t a question Reggie could answer. Maybe Reggie and Luke really were fine. Maybe it was Luke that wasn’t. Because he hadn’t answered that question. And he’d hidden whatever those lyrics were. The possibilities crammed themselves inside Alex’s skull as he walked over to where he and Willie were supposed to meet. He would have to ask Reggie about it and if he didn’t get anything from him, he would go back to Luke. That was his game plan.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Spotting Willie among the crowd of people, the ‘lifers’ as Willie had called them, Alex’s spirit lifted. He waved a hand through the air and Alex smiled a wide, enchanted grin. That familiar bloom warmed his chest because in that moment, Willie’s broad wave was only for him. The smile that consumed his face was Alex’s to keep. None of the people around them were lucky enough to experience Willie in all of his bright, spring-time warmth. It was all for Alex to see.</p>
<p>Once Alex was closer to Willie, he saw that they were standing near a store with a little cart of charms set up by the door. His face clouded slightly with confusion and he looked to Willie for an answer to his unasked question.</p>
<p>“Oh, right,” Willie’s voice was coated in laughter as he spoke. He placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder and gestured at one of the charms hanging off of the cart. It took a few moments for Alex to pull his gaze from his shoulder, but he eventually looked to where Willie was pointing. “We’re here for that.”</p>
<p>A bright laugh bounced out of Alex and he flicked his attention back to Willie. To his mild surprise, Willie was already looking at him, watching his reaction. Alex rubbed the back of his neck, trying not to think too hard about Willie’s eyes or his hand, which was still resting on Alex’s shoulder. He looked at the charm, instead. The small plastic hot dog dangled in front of them and he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.</p>
<p>“What are we going to do with it?” Alex asked, because it was the only question he could think to ask.</p>
<p>With a sly smile blossoming on Willie’s features, he opened his arms wide and motioned at everyone around them. Alex stopped himself from frowning at the loss of contact between them and instead followed the sweep of Willie’s arms with his eyes.</p>
<p>“That… didn’t really answer my question.”</p>
<p>Willie laughed and bumped his shoulder against Alex’s, jostling him slightly. “We’re gonna take it! I mean, it’s not like anyone can stop us.”</p>
<p>Memories filtered through Alex, days when he, Luke, and Reggie had swiped food and clothes from stores when they were strapped for cash. And days when they had slipped cds, packs of guitar strings, and other little things into their backpacks just because they wanted them. He knew how to lift things, but he didn’t know how to hold things.</p>
<p>“I- I can’t.”</p>
<p>Willie cocked his head, frowning subtly. “What? One too many anti-shoplifting PSAs shown at school?”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not that…” he debated telling Willie just how unskilled of a ghost he was, but Willie already knew most of it. “I have a really hard time picking things up.”</p>
<p>The frown that tainted Willie’s features disappeared as quickly as it had appeared and was replaced by his ever-present grin. “You should’ve started with that, bro. I can totally help you out there!”</p>
<p>Alex matched Willie’s mood and looked at the hot dog, not entirely sure how Willie was going to help. But he trusted Willie. And it would be nice if he could learn to lift more than his drumsticks without a struggle. He nodded gently and turned to face Willie entirely.</p>
<p>“Ok, how do I do this?”</p>
<p>“You just have to focus. It takes some getting used to, but once you figure it out, it’s not that hard.”</p>
<p>“Focus?” He asked and Willie dipped his head in a nod.</p>
<p>Alex reached out, wrapping his fingers around the spot on the cart where the hot dog was. When he pulled his hand back, he saw that the plastic hot dog was still where it had been, but it was swaying slightly. He sighed softly and tried again, coming back empty-handed for the second time.</p>
<p>“Can I?” Willie motioned for Alex’s hand as he spoke.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah,” he said, trying to ignore the slight crack that had encased his own words.</p>
<p>Willie placed his hand on Alex’s gently and the two moved together. He forced his thoughts onto the hotdog and where their hands connected. With a third try, Alex felt the hard plastic of the charm settle against his skin as he pulled it off the cart. Willie let go of him and waited expectantly. Alex smiled shyly as he opened his hand, revealing the small hot dog resting on his palm.</p>
<p>“Third times the charm!” Willie beamed.</p>
<p>Lifting his eyes from the charm to Willie, Alex was struck by a thought. He held the hot dog out to Willie, letting it dangle from his fingers. “You should have it. As a sort of thank you for teaching me how to hold things.”</p>
<p>But mostly he wanted Willie to take it because he wanted Willie to have a piece of him.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Uncertainty flickered behind his expression, but it seemed to be mixed with something else. Excitement? Alex couldn’t be sure. He might have been projecting his own excitement onto Willie.</p>
<p>“I’m positive. It’s yours, if you want it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, man! Thanks.”</p>
<p>As they walked off to their next destination, Alex caught sight of another charm hanging off the cart. A skateboard similar in style to the hot dog. Without giving it a second thought, he swiped it and dropped it into his pocket.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Back at the studio, Alex found that he was alone. He knew Julie would be gone, but he had figured Luke and Reggie would have been present.</p>
<p>Dropping onto the couch, Alex shrugged to himself and pulled the skateboard from his pocket. He held it up in front of him, examining how the light in the room bounced off of its glossy finish. While he looked at it, his thoughts wandered back to Willie. He wasn’t sure if he could still blush, but it felt like he could. It felt like he was.</p>
<p>Struggling with the clasp on the charm, Alex finally got it to open. He placed it onto the bracelet he always wore on his right wrist and shook his arm lightly, watching the charm move.</p>
<p>Again, that feeling that he had seen Willie before scratched in the back of his mind. But it faded quickly, allowing him to refocus on his bracelet. A small reminder of the day. A small reminder of Willie. The thought tugged a contented smile across Alex’s face.</p>
<p>The only thing that pulled Alex out of his thoughts was the sound of laughter outside the studio doors. He waited as Luke and Reggie entered the room. Their laughter carried in with them, but Alex couldn’t tell what they were laughing at. It eased his mind a bit, seeing them like that. Made him think that he might have been overreacting when he’d asked Luke if they were alright. It could’ve been an awkward patch, maybe a small fight. He figured it didn’t hurt to ask Reggie about it still, but it didn’t feel as urgent.</p>
<p>“Hey, guys.”</p>
<p>The two looked up at him with slight surprise, finally registering his presence. Reggie grinned and flung himself down next to Alex on the couch while Luke settled on the edge of the coffee table.</p>
<p>“How’d your date go?” Luke asked, poking Alex in the knee.</p>
<p>He laughed brightly, trying to hide his immediate nerves. Luke knew him inside and out, but it wasn’t like that. It hadn’t been a date. Alex would have known if it was a date. Wouldn’t he?</p>
<p>Shifting his leg away from Luke, Alex swatted lightly as his hand. “It wasn’t a date. But it went well.”</p>
<p>“Nice!” Reggie pounded him on the back. As he did, Alex noticed Luke’s smile falter just a little. Huh.</p>
<p>Luke caught Alex staring at him and flashed him a smile, spinning around so his back was facing the other two. He wrapped his arms around himself and mimed kissing. Alex covered his face with his hands, but he could still tell when Luke turned back around because he heard a bite of laughter ring through the room. Luke was exceptionally good at two things, making music and distracting other people from his negative emotions. But Alex knew him better than most and the act made it clearer that his first instinct had been the correct one. Something was going on with Luke.</p>
<p>Reggie leaned into Alex’s shoulder, resting his head against him. “Where’d you go? Anywhere fun?”</p>
<p>“We stopped by this shop and Willie taught me how to take this,” Alex displayed the skateboard charm on his bracelet.</p>
<p>Perking up, Reggie touched the charm with extreme care as though the slightest touch would ruin it. “Cool!”</p>
<p>But Luke looked confused. “Wait, Willie taught you how to… steal? Dude, that’s not a new skill.”</p>
<p>“No, not how to steal. He taught me how to pick it up.”</p>
<p>Luke nodded, the confusion clearing. He stood abruptly and plucked his notebook from its place on the piano. With a brief wave in Alex and Reggie’s direction, he headed back outside. Alex glanced over at Reggie, who was still inspecting the skateboard charm, for some indication of how to react to Luke’s sudden absence. When Reggie met Alex’s gaze, he just shrugged, gave a quick goodbye of his own, and left the same way Luke had.</p>
<p>It wasn’t him. Was it? He and Luke hadn’t had anything going on for a long while, and when they had been together, it lasted for a very short moment in time. But he had been weird about his lyrics. And he had looked uncomfortable when Reggie had patted Alex on the back. Alex also couldn’t really tell what his reaction had been about he and Willie hanging out. There was a possibility it was something else entirely, though. Alex just didn’t have any answers and there wasn’t anyone around to provide him with some. He shook his head, fidgeting slightly with the rings on his fingers. If it was about him, he could talk through it with Luke. And if it wasn’t about him… Well, he could at least try to help.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. blue and red and burning up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the days passed, Alex continued to look for his opening. He needed to see what Reggie thought about Luke. It was just difficult to get Reggie alone. More and more it seemed like he was hanging around Ray. And while Alex knew he could talk to him around Ray without the conversation being overheard, it still felt wrong. Like their privacy was nonexistent.</p>
<p>He had had a few opportunities, but they kept slipping through his fingers right as he went to grab them. The last time he had seen Reggie alone, it had been when Reggie decided he was going to try to find pizza he could actually eat. Which led to Alex asking if he could tag along just as Reggie poofed out.</p>
<p>Alex was always a second too late.</p>
<p>The curiosity was beginning to eat away at him. An ever-present worry that felt more like he had a weighted blanket on him that was a bit too heavy. He wanted an answer. More importantly, he wanted to know they would all be ok.</p>
<p>Thankfully, he found his moment to talk to Reggie. Soft acoustic strumming drifted out of the studio as Alex walked up to the doors. At first, he figured it was probably Luke working on his lyrics and a melody to go along with them, but then he realized it wasn’t a guitar. It was a banjo. And there was only one person he knew that had learned to play the banjo. Reggie. Alex also knew Luke couldn’t stand Reggie’s banjo playing.</p>
<p>Picking up his pace, Alex poked his head into the studio and saw exactly what he had been expecting. Reggie, sat on a stool, playing his banjo with a dopey smile on his face.</p>
<p>Alex didn’t wait for Reggie to notice him before fully entering the studio. He listened to the banjo and sat on the edge of the coffee table, simply waiting for Reggie to finish up. </p>
<p>There was no way he was going to squander the opportunity to talk to Reggie alone, but he also didn’t want to interrupt him. It took a few more minutes of quiet playing before Reggie took a break and registered that Alex was in the room with him.</p>
<p>“Oh, hey, Alex!” Somehow his smile grew as he spoke.</p>
<p>Alex couldn’t help but smile back, getting to his feet. After moving a bit closer to Reggie, he rocked back on his heels a couple of times. The question was poised and ready to go on the tip of his tongue. But he didn’t know how to dive in. The conversation seemed suddenly daunting.</p>
<p>“Did you wanna practice? Because I don’t know where Julie and Luke are, but I’m sure we could find them.”</p>
<p>Shaking his head, Alex sucked in a deep breath. “Actually, I was thinking maybe we could talk?”</p>
<p>“Of course! What’s up?”</p>
<p>“Have you noticed anything off about Luke lately?”</p>
<p>Surprise registered on Reggie’s face. Blinking slowly, he shrugged slightly. His mannerisms returned to normal a couple of seconds later, but the answer was obvious. Yes. He had noticed something too.</p>
<p>A weight eased off Alex’s mind. At least he wasn’t the only one seeing how Luke was acting. It wasn’t all in his head. Sometimes he found it hard to tell the difference between when people were actually upset and when he thought people were upset with him. It was too easy for him to get trapped in his own thoughts.</p>
<p>“Ok,” he thought over his next question. “Do you have any idea what’s going on?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, really… He’s, like, distracted? Or distant? I thought maybe it was because we can’t practice when Julie isn’t here, but he’s been writing a lot of lyrics and he stills seems… off.”</p>
<p>Alex nodded rapidly in agreement. “Right? Yes, ok, weird. And he hasn’t said anything to you?”</p>
<p>“He plays things off whenever he starts acting strange and I never know how to ask about stuff like that.”</p>
<p>The two sat and talked for a bit longer, trying to parse through Luke’s recent behavior. It didn’t do much to answer any of their questions. But it didn’t hurt to try.</p>
<p>Julie, Flynn, and Luke showed up not too far into their conversation, so Alex and Reggie had to stop. They practiced. And Alex was able to lose himself in his drums for a while. The beat danced through his body as he played, the music consuming the anxiety he’d felt. There were always pockets of calm. Little excerpts in the long line of time that provided him with breathing room.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>He and Willie stood at the museum doors, staring through the glass. Alex was acutely aware of his missing reflection. It was like he was a vampire. Except, it wasn’t like that at all. No, it was like he was a ghost. Because that’s exactly what he was. A ghost. A dead boy made up of air. And a soul? He wasn’t sure what he was made up of. Forcing the thought from his head, Alex looked to Willie for some sort of understanding of what they were doing. It was becoming a pattern, the two of them going out and doing things that Alex was unaware were going to happen until they already had. It was fun though. New and exciting where most things were unfamiliar and confusing.</p>
<p>But he figured the main difference was probably Willie’s presence. He knew enough about being a ghost that it made everything seem safe.</p>
<p>It also didn’t hurt that Willie was startlingly pretty.</p>
<p>He watched the excitement play across Willie’s face and found his voice. “You know what? I don’t think this is about the art, I think you just like breaking the rules.”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Willie turned to meet Alex’s eyes. “You should try it sometime.”</p>
<p>All at once, the plan for their day became crystal clear. Alex let his eyes drop from Willie and he felt the familiar prick of anxiety rooting in his stomach. “We’re going in there, aren’t we?”</p>
<p>Only a moment after he asked the question, the anxiety was replaced by a swoop of excitement as Willie took his hand. They were holding hands. It seemed so normal. So casual. As if it wasn’t something Alex had been longing to do since the day they’d met. The idea that it had always been so easily possible for him to take Willie’s hand in his was mind-blowing.</p>
<p>Hand-in-hand, they passed through the doors and paused at their surroundings. Willie’s eager energy was strong enough that Alex was convinced he could feel it traveling through Willie’s hand to his own.</p>
<p>As they wandered through the museum, Willie’s skateboarding took on a mesmerizing air. Alex had never tried to learn how to skate and so the idea of being able to do it so gracefully seemed like its very own artform. He wondered idly how long it had taken Willie to learn. And then he wondered how long it would take him to learn if he tried. Alex figured, given his past experience, Willie was a pretty good teacher.</p>
<p>Willie stopped abruptly and pointed in the direction of a concrete bench by Alex. “Oh, dude. Move that bench over here. I’m gonna try to jump it.”</p>
<p>The request gave Alex pause. He knew how to pick up trinkets, not whole benches.</p>
<p>“Uh… Yeah,” he started. “I can’t move that.”</p>
<p>He wanted to. He wanted to help Willie as much as Willie had helped him, but he didn’t really know how to do much of anything.</p>
<p>Alex started up again, “I can barely move small things, remember?”</p>
<p>Willie broke out into another wide grin and started to make his way over to Alex.</p>
<p>“Dude trust me. It’s really all about focus. If you focus on putting all of your energy into your hands, you can move anything. Not just charms.”</p>
<p>Alex nodded.</p>
<p>“Ok,” he nodded again.</p>
<p>With his hands firmly under the edge of the bench, Alex concentrated. He followed Willie’s instructions and tried to focus in on his grip. It wasn’t all that different from when he’d tried at the cart. But it felt bigger. Probably because the object was bigger. Probably because he didn’t want to disappoint.</p>
<p>His hands lifted straight through the concrete on his first attempt and laughter shook through the both of them. Focusing had never truly been his strong suit.</p>
<p>Willie offered his hand and when Alex offered his own up in return, Willie placed his palm against the back of Alex’s hand. Again, it felt like something was short-circuiting within him. That their contact could be so casual but mean so much to him.</p>
<p>“We got this.”</p>
<p>Guiding their hands back to where Alex had placed his before, Willie helped him lift the bench. The side that they were on raised as easily as it would have if they had still been alive. A muffled little thrill zipped through Alex’s arms and he grinned despite the weight of the concrete.</p>
<p>“You’ve got like ten seconds,” Alex’s words stumbled as he strained against the heaviness. But before he could even try to finish his sentence, Willie was racing to the other side of the bench. Working together, they moved it to where Willie had wanted. He told Alex to wait and hurried up the concrete ramps to the side of them. Alex tracked his movements with amusement, that increasingly familiar bloom filling up his chest.</p>
<p>Laughter encapsulated the moment around them, and Willie sat on the newly relocated Bench. He pulled his legs up, crossing them as he did, and once again Alex was struck by the notion that every move Willie made seemed to be easy. Effortless. His own movements probably didn’t look awkward, but he always felt out of place. He’d felt out of place long before he’d died. Long before he’d had to come out, even. It seemed like he had been born just a little bit off-center.</p>
<p>Turning back, he realized Willie was looking at him. Were his thoughts written across his face? Did he actually look the same as he felt?</p>
<p>“You’re wired a little tight, huh?”</p>
<p>An answer to his questions. But not particularly one he wanted. There wasn’t a single part of Alex that wanted his worries painted over his face in frantic brushstrokes. But there he was. Exactly that.</p>
<p>Willie motioned for Alex to join him and he did so without a word.</p>
<p>“Is that why you started playing drums? To help with your anxiety?”</p>
<p>The rhythm that seemed to constantly radiate through his entire body pushed forward, urging him to do something with his hands. Alex fiddled with his rings, refusing to start tapping out a beat.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I mean, pretty much. There’s no better way to work out your problems than whaling on some drums, right?”</p>
<p>It was the easiest way to explain it. But drumming was more. It was the only way Alex could get his nerves out of his system and into something more substantial. The constant rhythm inside him could build to a fever pitch if he wasn’t careful, but it could also be translated into music. His problems were a part of something good when he played. The energy that made him feel unsteady didn’t seem so loud when it was drowned out by Luke and Reggie’s guitars. And it never stood a chance against the beat of his drum set.</p>
<p>For some reason, before he could really think about what they were doing, Willie and Alex were yelling in the museum. Another example of Willie seeming so natural, like he could fit in anywhere he went. The sounds of their screams reverberated, and it was… cathartic. A release he had needed more than he had known.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>What Alex hadn’t expected to find out when he joined the others was that Bobby had completely ripped them off. And apparently, had changed his name at some point in the twenty-five years since their deaths. It was upsetting, to say the least.</p>
<p>They had been a band. The four of them. Together. And sure, they hadn’t gotten as close with Bobby. But Alex had figured he had some artistic integrity. Or at least some morals.</p>
<p>He was wrong on both accounts.</p>
<p>Because Bobby was rich. And the three of them were dead.</p>
<p>In the midst of his anger, Alex realized he was worried about Luke. They had been his lyrics, his emotions. And he was already off. It was like adding a lighter to a puddle of gasoline. Any second he felt like someone was going to ignite the lighter and give birth to a roaring fire. And there wasn’t a single part of Alex that could have been able to blame Luke. He was pretty pissed, himself.</p>
<p>There was something entertaining to be found in a mild haunting, though. Another form of catharsis that brought him back to Willie. Except, they were four instead of two with Luke and Reggie tagging along.</p>
<p>The possibility of being able to speak to Bobby, to say something to his face and have him see and hear all of them, was intriguing. And the idea that Willie knew someone that could maybe help them seemed nearly impossible. But Alex was well-aware that impossibilities seemed a lot less daunting when Willie was there. In truth, they seemed less impossible with him.</p>
<p>Julie may have been able to make him visible, but Willie was the one that made him feel seen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. the black and white lifestyle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Entering the club behind Willie, Alex saw more than he could have expected. It was a fully realized place. And the environment felt, well, it felt alive.</p>
<p>“So, this is where your hotshot ghost lives, huh?” Luke was the first to speak.</p>
<p>Willie offered up a silent agreement in return.</p>
<p>Alex narrowed his attention down from the entire room to Willie. “Yeah, we’ve walked past this hotel like, a million times. How come we’ve never heard of it?”</p>
<p>“That’s because this area has been sealed off for decades,” Willie waved his hands, referencing their surroundings. “I mean, you wouldn’t even know this place exists unless you’re invited.”</p>
<p>Willie slipped off to go check in with the other ghost, leaving Alex, Luke, and Reggie alone in The Hollywood Ghost Club.</p>
<p>Leaning over the railing, Alex was able to finally take in just how grand it all was. He’d never been anywhere as fancy as the club when he had been alive, and he hadn’t expected that to change with his death. But the afterlife was still full of surprises.</p>
<p>His eyes caught on the stage and for a split second he saw The Orpheum’s stage in its place. Again, that tickle of familiarity. The Orpheum’s neon sign shined behind his eyelids as he blinked, and he could feel the memory coming into focus. He was outside. On the sidewalk. A number of memories cluttering Alex’s mind could have started that exact way. But there was something special about the one fighting for a chance to be seen. And as the memory started to take shape, Willie was back.</p>
<p>The neon faded and the night dissolved back into the one Alex was actually experiencing. If he’d had a few more minutes, maybe the déjà vu could have finally cured itself.</p>
<p>Willie led them down the stairs to the main area that Alex had been looking down onto. The dancing guests that had seemed more glamor than reality from above became even fancier when he was on the same level as them. Everything, and everyone, sparkled with that rich sort of allure. It was all so… unattainable. Or at least it had been when he was alive. Because as a ghost, they had a reserved table. Well, Willie did.</p>
<p>Luke leaned forward, towards Willie, “Ok. So, who’s gonna make us visible so we can confront our old bandmate?”</p>
<p>“Oh no, no. None of these lifers have the power to do that,” the music in the room switched to something slightly more upbeat and Willie perked up. “Oh, but here comes the ghost who does.”</p>
<p>A voice sounded over the loudspeaker, announcing someone named “Caleb Covington.” Cheers and applause rattled through the room. Anyone watching the scene would have had an easy time identifying the main event of the night, because a man appeared, hovering above the crowd.</p>
<p>“Did you miss me?” The man’s voice, Caleb’s voice, was confident, used to the ample attention he received. He gave the guests a moment to reply and carried on. “I did too!”</p>
<p>There was something so entrancing in the way he spoke, the way he performed. It was as if he was acutely aware everyone’s eyes were on him and he wanted more. His expression was hungry, dangerous even, as he drifted through the air. Caleb knew what he was doing. He knew how to command an audience. And Alex found that he was fully absorbed into the show. It was pure magic.</p>
<p>The room thrummed with energy, matching what Caleb was giving them and turning it up even higher. Everyone, living and dead, seemed as though they were filled to the brim with life. It felt like an endless experience, something meant to last several eternities. In that moment, it wouldn’t have surprised Alex if someone had come up to him and said that Caleb could control time, fate, and people. Anything seemed possible. The feeling was somehow different than anything he’d ever experienced playing with the band. With the band, it was an extension of himself, but the performance was entirely Caleb. He was the ringleader in a circus of his own creation.</p>
<p>Applause erupted the second he finished, replacing the air around them with noise.</p>
<p>A voice sounded behind them as they talked, causing Alex to startle.</p>
<p>“Hello boys. Caleb Covington. Welcome to The Hollywood Ghost Club. Enjoying the show?”</p>
<p>Luke spluttered several beginnings to several sentences but couldn’t manage to settle on one that he wanted to finish. Though Caleb seemed to understand the message jumbled up in Luke’s unfinished thoughts.</p>
<p>Flustered beyond compare by his own fumble, Alex listened as the others spoke with Caleb for a moment. Knowing they would have to wait for Caleb’s schedule to clear up, Alex let himself soak up the enormity of the club. He didn’t mind having to stick around a little longer, he was getting a glimpse at something he’d never known before. There was still so much he didn’t know about being dead. So much he didn’t understand. Despite that, Alex could appreciate what he did get. The want to perform. To be seen and heard. It was a desire he knew Luke felt even sharper than he did.</p>
<p>It was why they were there in the first place. To be seen and heard. By Bobby. Because Bobby had stolen their music. Their songs. Their voices. He had erased them entirely.</p>
<p>Wordlessly, Alex watched as Luke and Reggie headed off to go socialize. He tracked their movements as they approached a variety of people. And it struck him that there was something familiar in the way Luke would look over at Reggie. It had been awhile since Alex had noticed the behavior. The last time having been over twenty-five years in the past. But it fit itself snuggly into place amidst his concern for Luke and it was as if the final puzzle piece had found its rightful spot.</p>
<p>Alex let out a soft sigh of relief and smiled to himself. It should have been plain to see, but he had been caught up in his own feelings that it hadn’t registered before. Because, while Luke was good at hiding certain emotions, he was terrible at pretending he didn’t like someone.</p>
<p>“You alright over there?”</p>
<p>Willie.</p>
<p>Alex felt that same old phantom heartbeat kicking up, his face all-at-once warmer than it had been. He wasn’t sure how long Willie had been looking at him. Nodding, Alex smiled wide and searched for a topic, any topic at all.</p>
<p>“That was one crazy show,” he swept his arm out, the awe clear on his face and in his voice. “So, I’m guessing all these lifers are, like, sworn to secrecy or something?”</p>
<p>“Or… something, yeah,” Willie hesitated as he spoke. “Let’s just say Caleb’s offering everyone here with their membership, the opportunity to experience this for eternity. And they’ve all happily accepted.”</p>
<p>“And all these ghosts, they just wanna party forever and never cross over?”</p>
<p>“I mean, yeah, man,” he was significantly more enthusiastic as he replied. “Why would you want to cross over when you can just…”</p>
<p>A pause as his eyes met Alex’s.</p>
<p>“Hang out and… do this forever,” another pause in Willie’s words. And Alex could swear he could hear his phantom heart beating instead of just feeling it. “There’s a lot to like here.”</p>
<p>Alex didn’t have time to reply, wasn’t sure if he could have even if he did. As Willie walked away, it didn’t feel humanly possible to take his eyes off of him. He wished he had said something. He wished he had said, ‘yeah, there is.’ But instead his own silence crowded his ears and he couldn’t even find it in himself to be upset because Willie’s words had sounded something like a love confession.</p>
<p>“Oh, you got a crush on Willie,” Luke’s voice infiltrated the silence and shook Alex from his trance.</p>
<p>A sliver of his thoughts echoed the sentiment back to Luke, ‘and you’ve got one on Reggie.’ But he stopped himself before he could say it. Choosing to keep the conversation on himself, he uttered an unconvincing, “What? No! No, man, no. We’re just…”</p>
<p>Mercifully, Luke cut him off, “Alex, I’m happy for you.”</p>
<p>Relief crashed over him. And Alex realized that even though he knew he and Luke were long over and short-lived, some small part of him had still been nervous. Like that small part thought he had misinterpreted things and Luke still liked him instead of Reggie. But it was ok. And things had started to make sense again.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>After talking with Caleb some more, and realizing there was food that they could eat, the guys ate through what appeared to be a buffets-worth of food. Willie rejoined them at some point, pulling part of Alex’s attention away from the pizza in his hand. When Caleb asked who in the audience were first-timers, Willie tapped the back of his hand to Alex’s chest. Another pull of his attention. His gaze dropped down to Willie’s hand for a split second and he noticed something he hadn’t before. On Willie’s wrist, attached to one of the hair ties that cluttered his skin, was the hot dog charm. Alex wasn’t entirely sure what it meant. He knew why he had taken the skateboard charm and added it to his own bracelet, but was Willie’s reasoning the same?</p>
<p>Caleb commanded the focus of the room from his place on the stage and Alex couldn’t think about what the charm meant. If he tried, his mind would just be tugging him in two separate directions all night. It was the perfect recipe for a killer headache.</p>
<p>Willie jumped into the dancing, moving in sync with the rest. And then it wasn’t long before Alex was dancing too, swept into the fray by two men. Every movement felt seamless, even though Alex hadn’t been prepared to join the mass of dancers. When he was able to, he found himself still searching for Willie amongst the backdrop of glamorous people.<br/>He spotted him at the edge of the dance floor, motioning quickly for Willie to add himself back in. But he looked upset. Alex couldn’t figure out why he would be upset, he had been fine moments earlier. Willie turned and hurried off, but Alex didn’t have a chance to go after him. He was caught in between Dante and Fuego, left thinking. About what could have happened. Whether he did something wrong. And once again, that nagging feeling that he’d known Willie before. He replayed Willie leaving and those neon lights flashed inside his memory again. Brighter and brighter.</p>
<p>The Orpheum. Glowing and searing itself into his vision. He knew what he was seeing. It was a memory that didn’t even feel all that old to him, though he knew it was. Twenty-five years old. But the memory looked the same. With the sign above him, his face turned to it as if it could have predicted his future and whispered it in his ear right then. It would have been a pretty shitty prophecy. ‘You will die from bad street dogs right before your biggest gig.’ Instead, the sign had stayed silent and he had ended up on concrete. Right. <br/>Someone had knocked him over. Someone. Willie. The thought hit him like a splash of cold water. Shocking and altogether undeniable. Willie’s face that had radiated pure sunlight even at night. Willie who he had apparently run him over, not once, but twice.</p>
<p>It was why that day that they met had been tinged with déjà vu. Alex wanted to find Willie. To explain that they had met before. Very briefly, but still. They had been pulled back together.</p>
<p>But he had no clue where Willie was, and they were so very late for Julie’s dance.</p>
<p>The three of them headed for the exit as quickly as they could, shaking hands with Caleb as they did. They were too late. Everything was too late. They’d let her down. Done exactly what they said they wouldn’t. And all for some revenge. It didn’t feel right. But no matter how much Alex wished he could sometimes, he couldn’t turn back the hands of time.</p>
<p>A sharp pain shot through Alex. Chased closely by fear. What was happening to them?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. prismatic shifts, prismatic changes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sitting in the coffee shop, Alex focused on Luke and Reggie. Another jolt, but Luke was probably right. They had eaten a lot and there was still so much they didn’t know about being ghosts. It would be ok, whatever it was. They’d fix things with Julie and the pain would pass.</p>
<p>Man, he wanted to fix things with Julie. She deserved better than what they’d done. He just hoped Luke knew what he was talking about with the gig.</p>
<p>The chatter in the room clogged his senses as he noticed a familiar face in the window.</p>
<p>“Isn’t that Willie?” Alex didn’t wait for a response from either of them, instead opting to go see for himself. But by the time he got outside, Willie was nowhere in sight.</p>
<p>He plopped back down in his chair, thoroughly confused about what was going on. Willie had been weird right before they’d had to leave the club. And apparently, he was spying on them? It didn’t make sense. Worst of all, Alex hadn’t gotten a chance to tell him that they’d met before. And even though it didn’t seem like important information, he couldn’t get it off of his mind. He had to tell him.</p>
<p>But how could he do that when he couldn’t find him?</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Practice went well and it felt good to know Julie wasn’t mad at them anymore. Alex waited a bit to see if he could catch Julie alone.</p>
<p>Once it was just the two of them, Alex was hit with the overwhelming urge to give Julie a hug. Everything felt simultaneously broken and fixed and he wanted some semblance of comfort. Though he knew he wouldn’t have been able to touch her, let alone hug her. So, he settled for words.</p>
<p>“Hey, I uh… I wanted to say sorry again for the dance.”</p>
<p>Julie smiled over at him as she put some things away, “I know. It’s really alright.”</p>
<p>Alex nodded once and sat beside her. He wasn’t sure what to start with. All of the thoughts bouncing around his head were fighting for dominance and he was having a hard time picking a beginning.</p>
<p>“So,” he started up, not sure where he was going. Alex opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before reaching something resembling an opener. “I’m… I’m gay.”</p>
<p>Instinctively, tears pricked his eyes and he had to force himself to keep looking at Julie. Coming out had never been his strong suit. And after his parents… Well, it hadn’t gotten any easier. Drawing in a shaky breath, Alex fiddled with his rings.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Julie said quietly, and Alex’s heart sank. ‘Oh’ was never good. ‘Oh’ was what came before he felt other. He didn’t want to feel other. Not anymore. But then she continued. “I’m really happy you felt comfortable sharing that with me. I haven’t actually told anyone this, but I think I like girls.”</p>
<p>The tears that had formed in Alex’s eyes, rushed forward, spilling down his cheeks. He smiled warmly despite them. “That’s really good to hear.”</p>
<p>The two of them took a moment to breathe and collect their thoughts. He had more to say and he wanted to get it out as soon as he could. Julie would be a fresh point of view and maybe that could put everything that had been bothering him into perspective.</p>
<p>“Ok, so, I actually wanted to ask you something as well. It was kinda part of the reason I wanted to tell you I’m gay.”</p>
<p>“The stage is yours,” her smile had turned watery from their tears, but it still made him feel steadier.</p>
<p>“I met this guy, Willie, not long after we came back, and we’d been hanging out. But now he’s not really anywhere. Like, I saw him earlier, but then he just left.”</p>
<p>“Did something happen?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think so? I’m not entirely sure,” Alex sighed and rubbed his palms against his pants. “I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“And Luke and Reggie didn’t have any suggestions?”</p>
<p>“Not really.”</p>
<p>Julie reached forward like she was going to take his hand in hers, but then she stopped herself. “You might need to give him some time? Or talk to him if you see him again? I’m sorry I don’t have better advice.”</p>
<p>Alex shook his head and smiled gently.</p>
<p>“It’s ok. Honestly, I think I just needed to talk about it. Thanks for being here.”</p>
<p>Julie smiled back at him, her features returned to their natural warmth. “I’ll always be here.”</p>
<p>Her words felt like a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Of course, Alex knew Luke and Reggie were there for him. But when his own parents weren’t, he had worried no one else ever would be. Acceptance was a breath of fresh air and for the longest time, he had been suffocating.</p>
<p>“And Alex?”</p>
<p>He looked up at her through the fog of his emotions. “Yeah Julie?”</p>
<p>“I’m sure that guy will come back around. You’re great.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” his brain stalled for a second. “Thanks. Really, thank you.”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Julie gave him one last smile before heading back to the house, a tune trailing after her.</p>
<p>Alex sat with the conversation for a bit longer, letting it all process. Even if things with Willie were fucked, he felt infinitely freer. There had been a weight on his chest. He trusted Julie, but it was hard not to worry. He was struck by the sudden realization that no matter what his parents had thought of him, he wasn’t other. Alex was completely himself. He was who he was supposed to be. And he had a pretty great family that he had made for himself.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Luke was sitting outside the studio when Alex headed out in the morning. He startled slightly at the sight of him but regained his composure quickly enough. The lyric notebook rested in Luke’s hands, open to what looked like a finished song, but he snapped it shut when he saw Alex.</p>
<p>Joining him on the ground, Alex waited for Luke to say something. He didn’t want to admit that he knew Luke liked Reggie. He especially didn’t want to say it and then be wrong. </p>
<p>It was a type of embarrassment he did not want to have to deal with. So, the two of them sat in silence. Not exactly a comfortable silence. There were too many questions hanging in the air between them for it to be comfortable. But it wasn’t uncomfortable either. It was somewhere in the middle. Still, Alex knew it couldn’t last that long. Luke wasn’t big on silences. He liked to keep noise going at all times, whether it was conversation or a random cd he’d put on in the background.</p>
<p>True to Alex’s prediction, Luke shifted slightly and met Alex’s gaze. “How did you decide to tell me you liked me?”</p>
<p>Well, that wasn’t what he had been expecting. He blinked, looking at the ground instead of Luke. It had been literal decades since he’d confessed his feelings, but he remembered. He remembered why he said it and why he said it when he had.</p>
<p>“Well, I…” he trailed off and thought. “Ok, do you remember when Reggie stayed here with you for that one weekend?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, he wanted to get away from his parents because they were actually talking about divorce. He was so worried,” Luke frowned to himself. “Why?”</p>
<p>“You called me to see if I wanted to come over too, make it a sleepover. And I’d had a crush on you for a bit at that point, but I had been so scared to say anything. I didn’t want everything to change. I didn’t want you to change.”</p>
<p>He took a breath and Luke nodded, encouraging him to continue.</p>
<p>“But then it was just the three of us for a couple days and it hit me that everything had already started to change. So, I kind of decided that I was going to try my best to keep up with the change instead of letting it catch me in the undertow. And my first big move was telling you how I felt. I think I realized it was more important for me to be honest with myself than for me to be scared for the rest of my life.”</p>
<p>“So, you just knew?”</p>
<p>Alex shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Wow, man, that’s so cheesy! You sap,” Luke’s wide grin had come back to him.</p>
<p>Alex laughed a little.</p>
<p>“As if you aren’t just as much of a sap!”</p>
<p>“Hey, I have no clue what you’re talking about! I’ve never once been romantic in my life.”</p>
<p>“Uh huh, sure,” Alex rolled his eyes as he spoke. “Tell that to the songs you keep hiding away from me.”</p>
<p>Luke’s smile dropped from his face. It took Alex a moment to realize what he’d said. He didn’t know how to backtrack. The proverbial cat was out of its bag.</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” the hesitation in Luke’s voice was practically lethal.</p>
<p>Alex softened his voice as he replied, “I saw how you’ve been looking at Reggie. And I have a little bit of experience when it comes to your lovesick faces.”</p>
<p>Luke looked away and it was all the confirmation Alex needed. He wished he hadn’t said anything. But there was no way to go back.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess you do,” he risked a glance at Alex before staring back down at the ground. “I was actually going to ask if you could help me with it. It’s not the worst that you already knew. Makes it easier to find out if you’d be willing to play one of the songs with me. For Reggie.”</p>
<p>Alex nodded a little bit too excitedly. “Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. I’ll help however I can.”</p>
<p>Luke turned his eyes to Alex again, focusing in on him. “You’re sure?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely.”</p>
<p>“Ok, I need you on drums and maybe you could ask Julie to tell her family she’ll be playing some cd’s in here when we play? I want it to be the three of us. Just the three of us.”</p>
<p>Songs had been Luke’s main form of expression for as long as Alex had known him. He was perfectly familiar with the way Luke wrote and that there were some songs that were for his eyes only and some that were for everyone. The one about Reggie belonged mainly in the former. So, it would be the three of them.</p>
<p>“It’s a plan.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. electric blue defibrillation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finding Julie was easy enough once she got back from school. Alex sat on the edge of her bed, startling her slightly when she entered her room.</p>
<p>“What did I say about boundaries?”</p>
<p>He grimaced and stood, making sure he wasn’t in her way. “Sorry… But, uh, I’m here because there’s a little favor I was hoping I could ask you for.”</p>
<p>Julie watched him out of the corner of her eyes as she pulled a couple of textbooks out of her backpack. She shrugged and nodded over at him. Alex rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet as he considered how to ask. He knew he couldn’t tell her the specifics, because that was Luke’s choice, but he also didn’t want to lie to her. Vague. He would have to be vague if she asked follow-up questions.</p>
<p>“Do you think you could say you’re listening to music in the studio later? But also stay away from the studio?”</p>
<p>Confusion flickered at the edges of her expression before it cleared and made way for a wide grin. “Oh my god! Is this about Willie? Are you gonna talk with him? Or play a song for him or something?”</p>
<p>The questions came out rapid fire and Alex couldn’t piece together how she had jumped to that conclusion. But it felt kind of nice, knowing how excited she was for him. Even though that wasn’t at all why he was asking for the favor.</p>
<p>“No, actually I still haven’t seen him. This is more to practice a new song of Luke’s that he isn’t sure about yet.”</p>
<p>It was close enough to the truth. They were practicing a new song, after all.</p>
<p>Julie frowned ever-so-slightly, patting the edge of her bed. Alex took the cue and sat beside her. She crossed her legs and tilted her head, examining Alex’s expression. After a moment, she said, “I can definitely do that for you guys. Maybe I’ll go over to Flynn’s. Just, don’t let my dad realize I’m not home if you can help it somehow.”</p>
<p>He was relieved she hadn’t tried to talk more about Willie. There was still so much he didn’t understand, and he wanted to talk to Willie before trying to think it all over again. Every time he replayed Willie walking away from him, his chest ached.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I mean, we can try. But no promises, because… ghosts,” Alex said, gesturing down at himself as he said the last part.</p>
<p>Julie let out a light laugh and smiled. But then she grew more serious. Her eyes shifted over to him and then back at her comforter a couple of times, her expression dimming once more. Alex watched, holding himself back from saying anything. She turned her attention back to the comforter completely, tugging at a loose thread. A soft sigh escaped her.<br/>
Nodding once to herself, she met Alex’s gaze.</p>
<p>“It’s Flynn.”</p>
<p>Alex’s brow furrowed and he tried to understand what she was saying. Giving up, he asked, “What’s Flynn?”</p>
<p>“When I said I think I like girls,” her voice trailed off and she had to look away before she could continue. “I was talking about Flynn.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>Another moment where he wished he could do something more than sit there. He wanted to comfort her. And words weren’t always his best form of comforting.</p>
<p>“Yeah. I thought since, y’know, you told me about Willie, maybe it would be nice to tell you about Flynn.”</p>
<p>Alex smiled, playing with his rings again. A warmth spread through his chest as he listened to her talk and he realized how much he’d missed having people trust him. Sometimes it was a lot and knowing both Luke and Julie had crushes on their best friends, was a little daunting. But he was someone they could confide in. He reached over to her, resting a hand just above her shoulder. It wasn’t much, but it was all he could do. She glanced at his hand and let out a noise that was half sniffle, half laughter.</p>
<p>“Are you…” he stopped, not sure if it was his place to ask. But Julie waited for him to finish. So, he pushed on. “Are you going to tell her?”</p>
<p>Julie opened her mouth, but then shut it and shrugged. Finding her words, she said, “I’m not sure. I’m kinda scared.”</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>“Hey,” she paused, and Alex watched as she smirked conspiratorially. “What if we make a pact?”</p>
<p>He surveyed her warily, not entirely certain he liked where her train of thought seemed to be heading. “A pact?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, like we have to talk to Flynn and Willie about our feelings before the end of the week.”</p>
<p>So much of Alex was screaming for him to refuse the idea. It was easier if he said no. It was safer. But he liked Willie and he didn’t want to lose him without even trying to tell him how he felt. And if Julie was suggesting it, she probably needed that extra push too. So, against his better judgement, Alex looked over at her and said, “Yes.”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>True to her word, Julie left for Flynn’s house only a few moments after telling her dad she was going to listen to music in the studio. Which gave Luke and Alex some extra time to practice the song before Reggie would get back and join in.</p>
<p>Drumsticks flying across his drums, Alex homed in on the beat. Luke’s lyrics bounced off the walls and it was clear what the words meant to him. It almost felt like something Alex shouldn’t have been playing with him. Like it was a song that wasn’t meant to have any form of listeners. Even other bandmates. But he reminded himself that Luke had asked him for his help. He hadn’t intruded, he had been invited.</p>
<p>They paused when Reggie poofed in and busied themselves with little things while Reggie got ready to play. And then it was time.</p>
<p>Starting in on the song, Alex could feel the melody thrumming inside of him. The instruments merged to form Luke’s love song, with Reggie still clueless to that fact. Luke leaned toward the microphone and began to sing. Alex couldn’t help but wonder how he was able to look so calm. But then Luke shot him a look and Alex realized he wasn’t even a little bit calm. His eyes were frantic, and it was suddenly so obvious that Luke’s shoulders were tense. Alex flashed him an easy smile and gave what he hoped was a reassuring nod.<br/>
Luke returned the nod, pulling away from his own mic and moving closer to Reggie.</p>
<p>He reached Reggie’s mic and leaned in, letting the song flow out of him again.</p>
<p>‘Take centerstage and bow,<br/>
You’ve got a hold of me now,<br/>
Nothing left for me to do,<br/>
So, I guess I gotta be true’</p>
<p>The two stood together as Luke hit the chorus. He stared into Reggie’s eyes and grinned as he placed a hand on Reggie’s arm. Reggie flicked a quick glance down at Luke’s hand, before looking back at his face.</p>
<p>‘Dead-end heart, turn it back around,<br/>
I’m burning out from how loud it sounds,<br/>
The wails that ache from my lungs, and my chest,<br/>
I’m scared what’ll happen when it finally spreads’</p>
<p>Alex took over the beat as Luke placed his hands on Reggie’s cheeks. His eyes widened and his gaze moved quickly between Luke’s lips and eyes. A pause. Luke lifted one hand from Reggie’s face and grabbed the microphone beside them. He raised it to his mouth and closed out the song, his eyes never leaving Reggie.</p>
<p>‘Dead-end heart, bring it back to life,<br/>
I think I’d forgotten how to be alive,<br/>
All I see are your eyes in the night,<br/>
Cutting the darkness like a knife,<br/>
I’m falling, falling on repeat,<br/>
And I’m certain I feel a thundering beat’</p>
<p>Luke let his hand holding the microphone drop to his side and he waited for Reggie to say something. With the music emptying out of the room, Alex was able to hear Reggie let out something that sounded like a mixture between a gasp and a hiccup. Apparently, that was as much of a response as Luke needed because he smiled shakily and said, “I uh, I know I’ve been a little weird lately, but I was working on some songs… For you. Or about you? Both? But, I… I like you, bro. Like a lot.”</p>
<p>Alex suddenly felt like he shouldn’t be there. It wasn’t his moment. So, he poofed out as Reggie started to say something that sounded way too excited to be a rejection. He smiled to himself, sitting on the bench where he’d sat with Willie the first day they’d met. Well, second day, technically.</p>
<p>Thinking of Luke and Reggie, he spun his bracelet around on his wrist. The small grin stayed on his face and he couldn’t find it in himself to be upset even as he stared down at the skateboard charm. He could talk to Willie. He could figure out what went wrong. He could fix it. And if he couldn’t, at least he would know he’d tried.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Figuring he’d given the two enough time, Alex returned to the studio. He found them sitting on the couch, joking around. But when they noticed him, Luke grinned wider than he’d seen in a while and Reggie flashed him a quick double thumbs up.</p>
<p>Alex flopped onto the couch beside them and they started working on the song they would be performing with Julie later that night. The uncomfortable energy that had been following Luke around had finally dissipated. Alex nudged Reggie with his shoulder, smiling at him as they listened to Luke go over the chords for the song. He pulled his drum sticks out and hit them against his legs absentmindedly. But as the three worked, a thud sounded outside the studio. They all glanced over, just in time to see Willie’s face duck behind one of the door’s windows.</p>
<p>“Again? What’s all that about?” Reggie looked at the other two for some sort of answer.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Luke replied, his focus switching back and forth between Alex and where Willie had been.</p>
<p>Knowing this might be his only chance to talk to Willie, Alex hurried out of the room. He blocked off Willie’s exit, startling Willie in the process. A sharp ache rang through Alex’s chest as he looked at Willie. How could things have changed so quickly?</p>
<p>“What’s your problem? It’s like you’re tracking me down, just so you can keep running away.”</p>
<p>“I wish I could explain, man, but I can’t.” The corners of Willie’s mouth turned down, not quite forming a frown.</p>
<p>“Wait. That’s not good enough. You’ve been acting weird ever since Caleb’s club,” Alex said, making himself say the next part out loud. “You know, I thought we were having fun together.”</p>
<p>Willie looked at the ground, avoiding Alex’s eyes and spoke, “We never should’ve met.”</p>
<p>Alex knew pain. He’d died. He, Luke, and Reggie were all going through those jolt things. But Willie’s words were a new type of pain. Something red hot. Something startlingly icy. Something he felt deep down inside him, taking root and making a home out of his soul.</p>
<p>“Wow, that hurts,” the words came out as a whisper.</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m sorry Alex. I really am,” Willie was speaking faster, his eyes searching Alex’s face. “You’re a great guy-”</p>
<p>Alex cut him off, because he knew he had to tell him. Even if it was just for himself. “Why didn’t you tell me you died in the 90s too?”</p>
<p>“How did you-?” The question died on Willie’s lips, confusion clouding his expression.</p>
<p>“We met the day I died. You ran me over then, too.” All of the emotion had drained out of Alex’s voice.</p>
<p>“The day you-?” Realization blotted out the confusion and Willie turned his head, looking back at the ground. His shoulders tensed and he spoke once more, “I gotta go.”</p>
<p>Alex didn’t try to stop him. He’d said what he could, and Willie had still wanted to leave. Breathing in deeply, Alex sat on the ground. His shoulders shook softly, and heat tinged his cheeks, but he didn’t cry. It was his fault, thinking he and Willie could be… something. If he’d never gotten his hopes up, if he’d never let him in, he would’ve been fine. He let out a shaky breath and composed himself as best he could. No use crying over a pretty lie he’d told himself.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>After some more band practice, Alex still needed to let out some steam. There was too much inside him and being around Luke and Reggie wasn’t helping.</p>
<p>He left for a walk, tracing the steps he’d taken when he and Willie had met as ghosts. The memories of the two of them played out in front of him. His stomach churned as he sat on a bench, trying not to think about how clueless he felt. Willie hadn’t cared for Alex as much as he’d cared for Willie.</p>
<p>The tears that he’d been holding back, fought their way down his cheeks and he couldn’t do anything to stop them. He let them flow freely, succumbing to the pain. How had he been so wrong?</p>
<p>Alex sat there for a while, watching people come and go and he felt a deep sadness for his loss. For the life he no longer had. He grieved himself. He wasn’t sure anyone else had. Rationally, Alex knew his life hadn’t been perfect. Or easy. But it had been his life. And his death certainly wasn’t proving to be any easier. He wanted to be able to go home. He wanted to talk to his parents. He wanted them to comfort him. To love him. But even if he had been alive, that wasn’t something they were willing to do.</p>
<p>Fresh tears streamed down his face and he closed his eyes against the sight of all the passersby. He felt so, unbearably alone.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>He returned in time for the performance, feeling slightly less weighed down by his emotions. And by the end of the show, he was somewhere close to okay.</p>
<p>The three guys tossed a basketball around, trying to figure out what they could do to celebrate when another jolt coursed through them. It was worse. And honestly, it was a sick joke that they could still feel pain even in death.</p>
<p>Reggie asked the one question Alex suspected was on all of their minds, which was, “Why is this happening to us?”</p>
<p>“It’s because you guys are in serious trouble,” a voice sounded. A voice Alex knew all too well. His heart pulsing out it’s phantom beats as he looked up. His heart, his traitorous heart, stammering out a silent ‘I’m so glad you came back.’</p>
<p>“Willie?” was all that he said out loud.</p>
<p>“We need to talk.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry about the lyrics,, i am not a song writer or a singer,,,, but i did try to come up w a quick melody for the lyrics, so if u wanna give it a listen,, here: https://astral-bees.tumblr.com/post/631542879262769152/lyrics-take-center-stage-and-bow-youve-got-a</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. white caves and freezing bones</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>short little chapter,, funky little chapter,, sad little chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The walk of fame spread out beneath their feet as Luke reiterated what Willie had just told them. They were a threat. Somehow, they were a threat. Nothing made sense.</p>
<p>“And you let him do this to us?” Alex asked.</p>
<p>“I can’t stop him!” Willie’s voice sounded tight, constricted. “He owns my soul, all right? He owns everybody’s soul at that club. If he even knew that I was here, talking to you… He… He would destroy me.”</p>
<p>Reggie started speaking, but all Alex could hear were Willie’s words, ‘he owns my soul.’ They were dancing dangerously close to mutually assured destruction. And he didn’t want to die again. Didn’t want Willie to die again. But he couldn’t join Caleb. They couldn’t do that to Julie. Their only hope was unfinished business, but it still meant leaving. It was just leaving on their own terms.</p>
<p>“Why should we listen to a word you say?” There was bite to Alex’s words. He knew it. But he couldn’t soften his tone.</p>
<p>Willie looked directly at him, all sad eyes and wounded features, like a punch to the stomach. His voice wobbled in the air, “Because I care about you, Alex. And I hate that I brought you… and your friends into this mess.” He glanced over his shoulder, but his gaze returned to Alex within seconds. “I uh, I can’t be away much longer. I’m so sorry. For everything.”</p>
<p>With red-rimmed eyes, Willie poofed out, leaving a deep, cavernous hole in Alex’s chest.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Alex fell onto the couch in the studio the moment they got back. He let himself cave-in. There was no point trying to hide it from Reggie and Luke, they’d seen him cry before. <br/>And he couldn’t find it in himself to care what they thought about his tears. It was too much. It was all too much. Too much. Too much. Too much. His thoughts were overcrowded and all he could think of was Willie and what he’d said. Their only hope was completing their unfinished business, but that meant leaving. That meant no more band. No more Julie. No more Willie. And it was fucking terrifying.</p>
<p>He sucked in a rattling breath, his head in his hands. Someone sat next to him on the couch, wrapping an arm around him and when he looked over, he saw Reggie distorted by his tears. Alex leaned into the contact, letting his emotions consume him.</p>
<p>The couch sagged on the other side of him and it wasn’t until Luke sidled up to him that he realized what was happening. Looking over at Luke, Alex blinked a couple of times still not quite certain what to make of the gesture. He knew how Luke felt about big emotions. And it had been so long since he and Luke had shared a moment like that. New tears sprung to his eyes and he gripped Luke’s hand.</p>
<p>“Hey, Alex,” Reggie’s voice was so much softer than usual. “No matter what happens next, we’re family. Ok? We’re always gonna be family.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, man. Reg is right! We got you.”</p>
<p>Alex smiled at the two of them and nodded, sniffling slightly. “Family.”</p>
<p>They sat together, all curled into one another until Alex stopped crying. And then they stayed there a little bit longer. There wasn’t a single universe that existed where they weren’t friends. Where they weren’t family.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. a flutter of pink, purple, and blue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After finding Reggie with Ray, Alex asked him if he wanted to hang out.</p>
<p>Moments later, they walked along the sunset strip well aware they’d be back the following day to meet with Willie. If everything went right, they’d be gone by the end of the next day. Which was exactly why Alex had wanted to go out.</p>
<p>“You alright, dude?” Reggie’s voice sounded concerned, but he still had a cheery smile on.</p>
<p>Alex nodded and offered a smile in return. He turned back to the sights around him, one shop catching his eye. “I was thinking about how we’re not the only ones losing someone.”</p>
<p>Reggie’s reply came out low, soft, a whisper, “Yeah, it really blows.”</p>
<p>“But I was thinking we could give Julie something to remember us by?”</p>
<p>“Ok,” he paused for a second and then bumped Alex with his shoulder, the energy coming back to his words. “Ok, yeah. What are we gonna give her? Should we get Luke?”</p>
<p>Alex stopped in his tracks. They should get Luke, but he didn’t know where Luke was. And time. They were getting lower and lower on time. He sighed lightly, sparing a glance at Reggie before shrugging. “I don’t really know, man. To either of those. Did Luke tell you where he was going?”</p>
<p>“Uh… no.”</p>
<p>“Well, then I don’t think we can get him. But we could go in there,” Alex pointed at the little shop in front of them.</p>
<p>Reggie grabbed one of Alex’s hands and started forward, “Then let’s go!”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Inside, Alex saw more of what was displayed in the shop’s windows, jewelry and clothes and small knickknacks. Sifting through some simple bracelets, he still wasn’t sure what he was looking for. Somehow, he had to find something that felt big enough to make up for them leaving. But he was fairly certain he would have to settle. Because they had to say goodbye, and nothing was ever big enough for goodbye.</p>
<p>“What about this?” Reggie asked, his voice right next to Alex.</p>
<p>Whirling around, Alex looked at the glass flower resting in Reggie’s outstretched palm. It was pretty and delicate looking. Light blue petals with a dark center. He reached out to touch it, but then remembered they were in public and looked to see if anyone was around them. Thankfully, no one had noticed the floating flower. So, he plucked it out of Reggie’s hand and placed it on a nearby table to examine it some more.</p>
<p>“Do you think she’d like it?” Reggie followed up, not bothering to ask why Alex had moved it.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah I think she would.”</p>
<p>Reggie beamed and crouched down next to Alex, joining him in picking through the bracelets. Alex’s fingers hovered over a set of three bracelets in different colors. Each one had a small, translucent plastic butterfly on it that matched the color of the beads that made up the bracelet. He held them carefully in his hands, as though they might break even thought they were only plastic. Tugging off the tags, he slipped the pink bracelet over his own wrist and stuck the other two in his fannypack.</p>
<p>He stood and Reggie followed suit, grabbing the flower from the table as he did. Both of them turned to go, but Reggie paused at the front of the shop. Alex followed his gaze down to a bright yellow sun keychain. Reggie’s eyes lit up as he bent to grab it. He held it up to Alex and let it swing slightly to-and-fro.</p>
<p>“Alex!” It was all Reggie seemed to be able to say in his excitement.</p>
<p>“Come on, bring it! We need to go,” he took Reggie’s free hand and the two hurried out the door.</p>
<p>Once they were outside, Alex pulled the bracelets back out of his fannypack and put his hand out for Reggie’s items. The four gifts sat in his palms and he smiled down at them. A tug deep in his stomach. He didn’t want to leave her.</p>
<p>He looked back up at Reggie, placing everything into his fannypack, making sure to be especially careful with the flower. “I think she’ll like these… I hope she will, at least.”</p>
<p>Reggie slung an arm over Alex’s shoulders and pulled him closer. “She will.”</p>
<p>Alex nodded slightly and they poofed back to the studio.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Sitting up on the roof of the studio, Alex stared at the stars. One more day. There was one more day. Which only gave him that moment to stargaze. Lost amongst the constellations, his mind wandered. Julie took up a big part of his thoughts, the pink bracelet on his wrist neon bright in the night. His heart stumbled over another phantom beat. Aching. Aching. Aching. She didn’t deserve all of this loss. And if he let himself be selfish, he didn’t deserve more loss either. Closing his eyes against the stars, Alex saw Willie in his mind. He could still feel where their hands had interlocked, and he found himself wishing he could go back. Hold his hand for the first time again.</p>
<p>And then his thoughts wandered a step further and he was thinking about his parents. Luke and Reggie were more his family than his parents ever could be, but he missed them. The way they had been. He missed the way his mom’s perfume used to engulf him when she hugged him. He missed the way his dad seemed so solid when he would clap him on the back. They had been close, once upon a time. They had been happy. He looked back up at the stars and wondered what they were doing, if they’d changed. He wondered if they would’ve loved him again if he’d lived.</p>
<p>The night sky swallowed him whole and he let the rest of his thoughts drift out into the dark. He’d had to leave his parents a long time ago. But that had never left him alone. Even crossing over included Luke and Reggie. He was loved. He had so much love.</p>
<p>He decided to lie back, searching the stars for the constellations Reggie had taught him all those years ago. Death could be something beautiful sometimes. The sky was proof of that. Alex just had to let go.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>A jolt ripped through the three of them. They were getting worse.</p>
<p>“Hey, you guys ok?”</p>
<p>Alex grimaced, but he hoped it looked something like a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s nothing we haven’t felt before. How’d it go?”</p>
<p>“Well, when that opening band wakes up, they’re gonna find their bus 200 miles outside of Vegas with no chance of getting back in time,” Willie turned to show them the jacket, punctuating his sentence with a wide grin.</p>
<p>Luke and Willie talked and as they did, Alex tried his best to prepare himself for his first goodbye of the day. He just didn’t know how to say everything he wanted to say. It didn’t feel like there were enough words in the English language. Or any language, for that matter. In the end, it all boiled down to the same thing. He was seeing Willie for the last time.<br/>Silence fell over them for a moment and Alex stepped forward. Now or never. Everything always felt like it was now or never.</p>
<p>“I know how much you’re risking,” he sucked in a breath. “Thank you, Willie.”</p>
<p>Willie nudged his arm, his smile quickly returning, “I told you, I’d do anything for you.”</p>
<p>Alex took a step back, it was ending. Whatever they had was ending. He looked down at the ground for a split second, before his focus returned to Willie. He stopped moving altogether for a moment. Just a moment. And then he launched himself forward, arms wrapping firmly around Willie. Reflexively, Willie’s arms enveloped Alex as well, tightening in an instant. There weren’t enough words to say goodbye. There never would be. But the contact felt more like talking than any conversation could.</p>
<p>Slowly, Alex made himself let go of Willie. He cleared his throat, eyes searching their surroundings just in case. “Alright. You, uh… You’d better get out of here before Caleb catches you with us.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” his voice was so much softer than Alex was used to. And part of him hated it. Hated that it was his fault. “I’ll see you around, hot dog.”</p>
<p>He watched him skate off for the last time and there was that hole again, deep in his chest. It ached. But it didn’t hurt the way it had before. He had memories. Alex would always have his memories. And it would be enough. He would make it enough. Besides, they had a gig.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>They gathered into a band circle, Alex trying to commit Julie’s features to memory. He wanted to hold onto her for as long as possible. The four of them raised their arms in a cheer and before Julie could leave, Alex opened his fannypack. He handed the glass flower to Luke and the sun charm to Reggie, pulling the purple bracelet out last. His hand passed through Julie’s arm as he tried to get her attention, but she noticed the movement and glanced between the three guys.</p>
<p>“We wanted you to have something to remind you of us,” Alex said.</p>
<p>Julie smiled and shook her head softly. “I could never forget any of you.”</p>
<p>“Still,” Luke stepped forward, holding the flower out toward her. “You gave us a second chance. The least we could do is give you a going away present.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think that’s how going away presents typically work, but thanks. For everything.”</p>
<p>Luke let the flower slide from his palm to hers and Julie stared down at it, tears collecting in her lashes. When she looked back up at them, her eyes shone. Reggie cleared his throat and smiled comfortingly at her, holding the sun out. Julie took it from where it dangled off his index finger.</p>
<p>“Tell your friends.”</p>
<p>Julie looked between Reggie and the plastic sun, a smile brightening her expression. A light laugh bubbled out of her, but it was bittersweet to its core. Reggie turned his face away from the group, his shoulders shaking subtly. Alex stepped in, taking the focus off of him. He reached for Julie’s arm again but stopped himself before trying to make contact. She lifted her arm, seeing the bracelet in his hand. Stretching it to fit over Julie’s hand, Alex slipped the bracelet onto her wrist.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna miss you guys so much,” her words were shaky as they fell out.</p>
<p>Reggie’s shoulders shook a little harder and all he managed to get out was a soft noise and a nod. Luke smiled as much as he could, but it didn’t reach his eyes. And Alex was afraid his smile suffered the same fate.</p>
<p>“We’re gonna miss you too.” Luke was the only one of them to say anything. Alex nodded in agreement, a lump in his throat, making it impossible to get any words around it.<br/>A car horn sounded outside, and Julie’s eyes flitted between the three of them. She gave one more soft smile and made her way out of the studio. Alex watched as she walked away, but as soon as she was obscured by the studio doors, he remembered the third bracelet still in his fannypack.</p>
<p>He poofed in front of her on the wooden steps, startling Julie a bit.</p>
<p>“I forgot about this,” Alex opened his hand to show her the blue bracelet. “I thought maybe you could… give it to Flynn?”</p>
<p>Julie looked at the bracelet, her eyes wandering just a bit farther, to Alex’s wrist. Her fingers played distractedly over the pink beads of his matching bracelet, not quite touching them. When her eyes returned to his face, the tears had reappeared. Julie moved to give him a hug but stopped herself as she remembered. Remembered what he was. What was going to happen. Instead, she offered up a final teary smile.</p>
<p>“Yeah, maybe I will.”</p>
<p>Alex blinked back his own tears, suddenly unable to meet her gaze. “I just- Just because things are changing. I don’t want you to give up on Flynn. On your feelings. On our pact. Don’t be afraid to talk to her. It really sucks to be too late. Just… don’t be too scared. Please.”</p>
<p>Julie nodded briskly, tears streaking down her cheeks. The car honked again, and Julie looked in its general direction. “I have to go.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Bye, Alex.”</p>
<p>“Bye, Julie.”</p>
<p>And just like that, Julie was gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>just wanna say,, i'm so totally not encouraging stealing from small businesses,,, they only steal from high-end or chain stores :) a simple clarification just in case</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. sickly purple and golden light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the group hug dissolved, all of them much stronger than they had been moments before, Alex thought of Willie. He remembered how much he had risked for them. And how, even though the three of them were free, Willie was still trapped in Caleb’s clutches.</p>
<p>More importantly, Alex knew that he had to follow Willie once more into the fray.</p>
<p>So, he waited for Julie to head back to her house and for Luke and Reggie to get caught up in their own things. Whatever happened at the club, it was his problem. He couldn’t risk any of them getting hurt. Not again. Not after everything. It was up to him to save Willie.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>The Hollywood Ghost Club felt like a completely different world when it was empty. It was a sleeping beast and Alex had climbed right into its mouth. He was simply waiting for it to wake up and swallow him whole. The lights were out around him, plunging him into near complete darkness. But there was a strip of light coming from a stairwell. Alex inched closer to it, scanning the club for Willie as he moved.</p>
<p>Waiting for his eyes to adjust to the sudden bright, Alex looked up the stairs. “Willie?”</p>
<p>He was greeted by silence as he started up the stairs. Frantically, he whispered Willie’s name a few more times. Still, there was no reply. His steps sounded lightly as he ventured further in. Finally, he reached the top, only to find an empty room. It had posters and pictures, not unlike the ones lining the staircase, hanging on all of the walls. All varying shots of Caleb back when he was alive. Taking an easy guess, Alex assumed he was in Caleb’s room. Despite this, and despite the fact that the room appeared empty, he moved to its center.</p>
<p>“Willie?” he tried again, a small bit louder than before.</p>
<p>“Oh, Alexander,” the voice surprised Alex enough that he nearly fell over as he whipped around. Caleb watched with some amusement as Alex righted himself. “I’m afraid you’re far too late. William’s already gone.”</p>
<p>Caleb’s words snaked their way down Alex’s spine, sending a freezing shiver through his body. He blinked, unable to find something to say. There was no way it was true. He couldn’t be late. But then the reality of everything draped itself over him. It had been hours since he’d seen Willie. Of course, it was too late. He’d never actually had any chance of saving him. He’d just convinced himself he would be able to. The weight of it crushed down on him.</p>
<p>“No…”</p>
<p>“Yes, he was… becoming a nuisance. And I don’t have a need for any nuisances.”</p>
<p>Despair filled Alex to overflowing and he felt his knees buckle but forced himself to stay standing. They’d made it out ok, but Willie… Willie was gone. His eyes burned with sudden tears, blurring his vision. The night unraveled around him. The lights in the room bled into one another and Caleb became a shadow. Alex’s head hurt. It hurt so much.<br/>He looked back up at Caleb. At his smug smile. His glittering coat. He was too late. He was one step too slow. One move behind. It was a game of chess and he’d never taken the time to learn how to play.</p>
<p>Pushing past Caleb, Alex stumbled down the stairs. He had to leave. He couldn’t stay. Wouldn’t. There was nothing for him in the club anymore. Nothing but Caleb and pain remained. His steps were unstable as he hurried away from the room. Close to the main floor of the club, Alex lost his footing and his eyes caught on the darkened steps that led down. He straightened himself and turned to leave, but something nagged at the back of his mind. The simple question of ‘what’s down there?’</p>
<p>Shooting a quick glance over his shoulder, Alex couldn’t see Caleb anywhere. He raced down the rest of the stairs and found a new room. One shrouded in darkness, all of the lights nonexistent or turned off.</p>
<p>Fumbling around in the dark, Alex was caught off-guard at a sudden flash of brightness. He moved in the direction it had come from. But after a moment of being drenched in the dark again, Alex couldn’t tell if he was going the right way. Shuffling a little farther, the light went off again. He was close. Close enough to see where the light had come from. <br/>Close enough to see Willie. Hope rose in his cheeks, but just as quickly, it stomped itself out. Willie was right there. But the light. It was coming from jolts.</p>
<p>“Willie!” Alex ran the rest of the way to him, kneeling at his side.</p>
<p>Willie coughed, his hand finding Alex’s. “Hot dog?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here. I’m gonna get you out of here. Just give me a second, ok?” His voice was frantic, words shaky. Alex slid his arms under Willie and lifted him bridal style. He turned toward the only light he could see, the light from the doorway, and started walking. But as he got closer, part of the light was blocked by a figure. Caleb was back.</p>
<p>“William isn’t looking too good, now is he?” The smirk was audible in his comment.</p>
<p>“You lied.”</p>
<p>“Did I? It looks like you’re too late to me.”</p>
<p>Alex pushed on, only slightly surprised when Caleb didn’t stop him. He realized, with discomfort, that Caleb hadn’t actually cared whether he found Willie or not. Because he was going to lose him either way.</p>
<p>As Alex shouldered his way out the front door, Caleb called out to him once more, “Tick tock! Looks like you’re running out of time. If only you’d taken me up on my deal.”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Once they were far enough from the club, Alex collapsed on the ground. He looked down at Willie’s face, his eyes barely able to stay open as the jolts coursed through him. Propping Willie up against a wall, Alex wiped the tears off of his own face.</p>
<p>“Alex… I’m sorry.” Willie was looking at him, struggling to keep his eyes on Alex. “I never wanted you to see this.”</p>
<p>“Hey,” he forced a smile, cupping one side of Willie’s face with his hand. He echoed Willie’s words, “I’d do anything for you.”</p>
<p>“Just,” Willie paused, catching his breath. “Don’t blame yourself.”</p>
<p>“Ok, I won’t,” he lied.</p>
<p>Another jolt flashed, making Willie cry out in pain. Alex settled down next to him, pulling Willie closer. They sat, Willie’s head on Alex’s shoulder, as the jolts came and went. He tried to come up with some solution. Some way to save Willie, but everything seemed so far away. Too much like false hope. He ran his fingers through Willie’s hair and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. As he did, a new light filled the alley. It was warm where the jolt’s light was a sickly purple.</p>
<p>Alex stared in awe as Willie held his hands in front of himself. He was glowing. The phantom heartbeats sounded like a jackhammer as Alex let himself accept what was happening.</p>
<p>“Alex?” Willie looked at Alex, confusion and fear still painted across his features.</p>
<p>“It’s ok. You’re… You’re gonna be ok,” his words fluttered out in a breathless haze. Because it was true. Willie was going to be ok.</p>
<p>He took the time to explain what had happened with Julie earlier and how it was the same thing that Willie was going through. After Willie had returned to full-strength, the two <br/>left the alley behind.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Resting on the studio’s roof, Alex pointed up at Ursa Major. Their shoulders brushed as they leaned into each other. Willie turned his gaze from the stars to Alex. It took a moment for Alex to realize he wasn’t looking at the constellations anymore.</p>
<p>When Alex finally met Willie’s gaze, Willie spoke, “I didn’t mention us running into each other before because I didn’t remember meeting you in 95. I kind of had a lot going on that day.”</p>
<p>“Like what?” Alex’s attention was fully wrapped up in Willie.</p>
<p>“Well, for starters, I was pretty busy dying,” he smiled a cockeyed smile and shrugged.</p>
<p>Alex reeled back, eyes widening. “Wait, what?”</p>
<p>“Yeah… and that’s part of something I wanted to tell you. But I didn’t really have a chance before. Not a chance that made sense, at least,” Willie paused and looked away for a second, his gaze only returning to Alex after he sucked in a breath. “People doomed to sudden deaths, like us, die the same day as their soulmate. It’s another weird ghost thing, I guess.”</p>
<p>It took Alex a moment to register what he meant. “You mean that we’re… that I’m… that you’re…”</p>
<p>Willie nodded, a bright laugh escaping him and joining the stars in the night sky. “We’re soulmates, yeah. Or at least, I think we are.”</p>
<p>His eyes were so warm and full of pure hope and something inside Alex tugged at the sight of it all. Yeah, he thought so too.</p>
<p>“So, what do you think about me being your soulmate, hot dog?” A wide grin split across his face as he nudged Alex in the side with his elbow. Alex looked at the point of contact to allow himself a reprieve from the moment. Where fear and despair had once taken ahold of him, there was airy joy bubbling up, up, up.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, it doesn’t seem too bad.” Alex smiled over at Willie and the two laughed gently.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>They sat side-by-side and watched as the sun rose from behind the horizon. There was nothing wrong with loving this boy. This boy who was sunshine and ocean waves and reckless behavior.</p>
<p>There was nothing wrong about it at all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ok!! that's it,, hope u enjoyed !! and have a great day !! :)  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>